Thursday, October 30, 2003
I went during lunch to turn in my keys and make sure I was finished with the old apartment. I had worked until midnight cleaning my old apartment. I scrubbed it down good and then vacuumed the floor and used a steam cleaner I had borrowed from Desiree's parents. Despite the time I spent on it, they are going to charge me for a "professional" cleaning including carpet cleaning.

My cats had knocked a glass over with red collate and I never quite managed to get the stain out. If they aren't satisfied with the carpet cleaning, they will replace the carpet and of course charge me for that.

I just wish that I hadn't wasted a lot of my time where I would much rather have been doing other things to do what they are going to charge me for anyway.

5:41 PM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

I don't talk about my faith much on this site. I frequently mention my time spent with the you or at church, but I rarely talk about my actual beliefs. With that said, just know that my opinions are mine alone. I'll discuss them with you if you would like, but I don't want to force my beliefs upon anyone else or preach to those who don't wished to listen. I also keep this off of this page because I do have some of the youth at my church that read this page. I don't want them to see what I try so hard to hid when I'm around them, but I'm well beyond my breaking point and am trying to figure out what to do.

In the last few months I have been experiencing a spiritual crisis. Several months ago we lost our youth ministers to politics in the church. It doesn't matter how or why any more. They just felt like they had to go. It was very upsetting for the youth of the church as well as for me. I felt like I lost two very close personal friends. In the months that have followed I have been privy to the very depths of the church. Perhaps privy is not the correct word, but I have seen the ugly underbelly and learned to hate it. I quit going to Sunday morning church because I would walk into the building and get angry.

I continued to go to youth on Sunday nights, teach bible study on Wednesday, and perform whatever tasks I could to help the rest of the church. One of the tasks included setting up the CrossJourney website for the youth group and serving on the communications committee for the church. In July, I got called by the communications committee to remove "questionable" material after they had given our youth minister permission to police his own site and decide what to put up there. I was left in the unenviable position of being placed right in the line of fire while the youth minister was out of town. The questionable material were pictures of some of the girls in bathing suits at a water park during summer mission trips. I complied with their wishes, but stepped out of the way and refused to be a part of that committee any longer.

One of the other tasks I got to work with was to be a part of the interview team that selected a new Youth Minister. When we interviewed Rick, he seemed to have a great deal of vision. We were all impressed with him and decided to extend him an offer after talking to several other candidates. Sometime later Rick hand picked his own assistant who had previously been one of his youth at a different church. Logan came aboard and he and Rick began making strategic changes and working to implement the ideas that Rick had already put into place at the last couple of churches he had worked at.

While they have been working on the changes, the counselors have been running the Sunday night activities for almost 6 months now. It's nothing new to plan the Sunday night activities, but I don't necessarily feel like everything is being supported. I've reached the point that I no longer feel like I'm a part of a team and now feel like I'm being used. Whenever Rick and I talk it's always business. He usually has some new task that he would like to see accomplished. I don't feel like it's fun anymore. I want to do something about it, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave because I don't want to leave the kids. I'll miss them and the bonds we have formed, but I don't know if I'm doing more harm than good at this point. All these emotions are boiling just under the surface and I have to bury them deep and hide them so that they can't see it.

I'm weary and I'm tired of looking to rest in Him that I'm supposed to be able to find.

Mercy Me - In You

Update: My mom's response

9:52 AM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Monday, October 27, 2003
I'm back at work, but I'd rather be home sleeping. I think I'm getting sick and I kept waking up last night. It was my second night in my new apartment. Friday was spent packing and getting stuff ready to go. Saturday was spent hauling stuff over to the new apartment and watching the movers struggle with my massive desk. Between Desiree and I we managed to load and unload all of the extra random things that the movers weren't going to take. Leia showed up for a couple of hours and lent her awesome skills to unpacking my plates and stuff in the kitchen.

The cats were traumatized by the move. I think they are finally starting to forgive me, but they hid under the chair as soon as I let them out of their boxes and they didn't come out until late.

The new apartment is very swanky. I think Desiree is excited about decorating it. I'm not sure how much I'll actually let her do, but I can no longer have the hodgepodge that is my typical decorating "style." It'll look really nice when it's all said and done, but right now I have to finish getting everything off the floor and out of the boxes.

While the rest of the place is a mess, the couches and entertainment center have been tested. I'm still exhausted from the move. Sheesh.

At youth last night, I was asked to speak on the theme of "Evil; Have no Fear." While everyone else decided to focus on evil, I focused on fear. I think it went well, but I was more than a little edgy before, during, and after. There just didn't seem to be enough time to do what needed to be done this weekend. But I think it all turned out well.

I still have to finish cleaning the old apartment and turn in the keys, but that's the last thing I have to do with that apartment.

1:54 PM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Thursday, October 23, 2003
Hmm... Well. Blogger was freaking out. It seems to be back now, but highly annoying.

I'm actually caught up with everything at work. This is an occasion to celebrate. Or at least commemorate with a post.

11:40 AM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Tuesday, October 21, 2003
I wish I could say things have been extremely exciting recently. But alas, I can not. Much of my free time is consumed by this abysmal thing called a move. I have been packing and shuffling and organizing and ruffling for ages now. (Ruffling? Huh? Ok, I was on a roll and didn't want to quit) I'm very excited about the prospect of my new place. For several reasons.

1. I get to move away from the Management from Hades also known as the Cyclical Management Team also known as the Bane of My Existence since I moved into this apartment. Are we getting the picture here?


2. I get to move to a swanky new apartment with a lot more room. Hubba hubba.


3. My commute will go from 30 minutes each way to less than 10. High praise and celebration for the 'extra' time that I'm sure to squander elsewhere

I'm using a moving service that's going to get most of my furniture. I have also managed to dupe convince a couple of friends to assist in the actual move itself. I'm hoping to make it as painless on all involved as possible. I had 6 buddies help carry my computer desk down the stairs at my last apartment. We're not doing that again. Ever. Never ever. I'm serious. I'll make fire wood out of it before that happens. Ever. Grumble... grumble... grumble.

I'm looking forward to trying out the hot tub and all the other amenities with the new place. If I can just make it through the weekend. It's amazing how much junk I have. It's even more amazing how much junk I have after I have thrown all the junk away.

9:25 PM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Thursday, October 16, 2003
Bill just told me he'd pay for the football tickets, the hotel room and whatever else from last weekend. I have to admit that makes me very happy. Considering when it's all said and done the whole thing cost close to $400. That makes me smile.

Now I hear the whip calling and I need to get back to work. Whipah!

2:38 PM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

It's amazing how much has happened within the last couple of weeks. Work has been insane, but should now be back to a somewhat more normal schedule. When I left at 6:30 last night, they were starting to burn 20 laptops to be shipped out by 8:00. Makes things a little crazy. Oh well...

We have been pushing hard for the last three weeks to meet a deadline of last Monday. It finally got pushed back to Thursday, but it's a big step for Benefit Harbor as long as everything goes well. And I have no reason to think that it won't.

Last weekend Dezi and I went to College Station. It had been a couple of years since I had managed to visit last. We had a great time. When I realized Thursday that I needed to get a hotel, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had no troubles getting a hotel room. A couple of years ago it would have been impossible to get a hotel room without making reservations a couple of months in advance. They have added an abundance of hotels and I managed to make reservations and get everything prepared for our trip.

Last week was crazy at work and I know I worked at least 80 hours and would be very scared to know how much time I actually spent up at work. Thursday night I didn't go home and managed straight on through until Friday afternoon. I did spend a few hours Friday morning over at Dezi's but that's a different story. I went home to pack, spent a few hurried minutes cramming stuff into my bag and ran out to go pick up Dezi. We got to the hotel, checked in and I promptly fell asleep, but not before realizing that I had left the tickets on my dresser at home. I was more than a little upset at myself for doing something so stupid, but it all ended up working alright.

Friday morning after spending all night at work, I got a call from Dezi to let me know that a good friend's mother had passed away unexpectedly. She was one of Dezi's pseudo mothers and she felt the loss greatly, but more so because she knew that the kids were going to be hurting. Ryan 12, Holly 18, and Heather 22 (I think). They've had a real bad spot for the last few years. The father got laid off and they've been scraping by for a while. I know it's going to be hard on all of them and I don't think that they know quite what they are going to do at this point. I know Guarantee National Bank has an account set up for them, but I'll have to get the details and I don't have it on me.

Back to Aggie Land... Saturday was fun, we went up to Wesley for old army reunion. There weren't very many people there, but I had a good time and got to catch up with a lot of people I haven't seen for a while. We went on a tour of campus while the game was on and then went over to visit with some friends. That night we went to play pool with some of my buddies from High School. I had a great time, but Dezi was well over on her quota for being social and bowed out early to head back to the hotel room. We finished our pool and played a little air hockey before I ran off to make sure I didn't get into too much trouble.

It was a very pleasant weekend. Monday was the funeral and it was an emotional time, but only the grieving remains. And now that the week is almost over, things are definitely looking like they will calm down for a little bit. I'm happy about that. Hopefully I'll catch up on some of my sleep and won't be as grumpy as I have been lately. I'm hoping to take in a hockey game at some point. It would be nice to go to the fair, but I don't think we'll make it. Camping would be good... Yes... Some definite relaxing is needed before my move on the 25th. Why do I do this to myself?

11:13 AM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Thursday, October 09, 2003
About an hour ago I was on Defcon 4. I was absolutely ready to blow. It was going to be ugly. I'm a very patient person, but when my fuse is lit, you better douse it fast because it's going to be ugly.

James and I took off for a while and went to get some dinner. We stopped in at an Irish pub near when I work. It's a good thing too. I'm satiated and calmed and ready to tackle the rest of this stupid project. I'm heading out tomorrow to enjoy a weekend without thinking about work.

I need a vacation. Sigh.

7:57 PM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts

Monday, October 06, 2003
This morning I dragged myself into work and walked into a stirred up hornets nest.

Now where did I put that shirt. The one that says, "Good Morning! Let the stress begin"

10:51 AM Posted by Big Dave | 0 Thoughts